Another draft...

Wasted Saturday.

There are things I can and can’t do anymore. I come to realize this although I try my level best to hide from it.

I’m sure in the past I’ve touched upon just how long the days can be while I’m working. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad in this economy to have work, there are far too many people I know who are out of work and unable to find a job. It’s not a fun thing for them and it worries me.

So, I consider myself lucky...

But the days do take their toll and since days start somewhere around 5 in the morning (when I rise) and don’t end until I set foot back in the door at night (sometime around 8) I arrive at the end of the week just needing a day of not doing to much before I am able to have some energy to get out and do things.

Today was like that.

Also, it seems like it’s always something. I had a physical malady come upon me so suddenly and severely it’s amazing I was at work at all this week. And finally the capper would be being at work until 10:30 on a Friday night, one of a few late nights at work this past week.

And as much as I wanted to get out and enjoy the day today, another part of me just wanted to take it slow and not do too much of anything.

S...

As I am getting older, I realize the batteries are running down and need more time to charge than they used to.

That's a problem though.

I have to much ‘wasted’ time to my credit and precious little left (only in the sense there is less ahead of me than behind me).

The other day I was cleaning up a bit (which is a good thing and something I need to do more of) when I came across something and I realized that it had been a decade now since my old man passed away.

So, that's a tale fraught with all kind of implications but the truth is these ten years have been on my watch and really I can't say I’ve made the kind of progress during the decade I would’ve liked to have made.

Again, see that line above about ‘problem.’

My fault, totally by the way.

I like to believe (although I am sure some folks would vehemently protest this) that I’ve got a decent enough head on my shoulders that I can figure my way out of things but then I often wonder if I can figure out a way to change my own nature? Is there a way to change the default state?

If you’ve ever been in therapy, this can be an ongoing topic, what we deal with and what we avoid and why we make those decisions. I can be acutely aware of these things but the question for any of us is whether or not we have the will (not just the desire) to change?

Weighty stuff but the truth is Saturday’s are getting too precious to be wasted.